


Stupid Human Tricks

by ArcherAnders



Series: Archer and Anders [2]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-06
Updated: 2011-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-23 11:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/249814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcherAnders/pseuds/ArcherAnders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not nice to kick a mabari out of the bedroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupid Human Tricks

"Please don't give me that look," Hawke pleaded. "You know you're the love of my life, but you have to stay out right now. I have business to attend to, and I can't have you getting in the way. It'll only be for a little while. I promise"

Dog, Hawke's mabari warhound listened to his owner with a tilt to his head. The mabari understood all too well what was going on, and he was not happy about it. Ever since that stupid blonde human moved in, he'd been kicked out of the bedroom on a nightly basis. He wasn't going to let his master off this easy.

"Oh, Maker...please stop that!" Hawke whined as his hound lowered his head and whimpered. "I promise. Daddy is just going to play a game with Anders, and then we'll let you back in."

Dog knew it would be like every other night; they'd kick him out and use his dog bed for wrestling and not even invite him! Tonight would be different though. He would teach them a lesson.

To Hawke's great relief, Dog jumped up to lick his face and ran off to find a bone to chew on. Smiling, he walked back to his bedroom to meet his lover.

As soon as the bedroom door clicked shut, Dog spit out his bone and went to town. Plants needed to be marked, books needed to be ripped to pieces, and there was plenty to eat in the kitchen. As he made his way towards the library, a happy and familiar face appeared down the hallway. For all the love Dog had for his master, his most favorite human was the short one.

"Doggy!" cried Sandal. He ran as fast as he could to meet up with his favorite plaything.

Dog was elated and gently greeted his friend. Not only was Sandal fun to play with, he could be very useful. Dog laid down on the floor by his feet and barked once, not too loudly of course considering his master's mother had gone to bed. Sandal jumped up and down while clapping his hands, eager to play with his four-legged friend. Dog nudged Sandal's leg until the human did as he was told.

Sandal sat down on the mabari's strong back and took hold of his thick skin. Dog rose up and trotted around the hallway. The entire time, Sandal could barely contain his excitement. As the warhound came to the end of the hall and quickly changed directions, Sandal did what he did best.

The armor hanging in the hallway exploded with a loud boom and a ton of smoke. '

"Enchantment!" wailed Sandal, barely able to hold onto the mabari.

This was exactly what Dog had wanted. They raced throughout the estate. Every piece of furniture on the lower floor was to be turned over. Rather than mark the plants, Dog decided to simply let Sandal blow them up. Books came off of shelves, paintings fell off of the wall, and the two friends were having the time of their lives.

Suddently, Leandra threw open her door to look out to see what in the world was going on. Surely her son was at arms with a robber who had broken into the estate given all of the noise. Clutching her robe tight to her, she bravely edged her way to the overlook to the floor below. She nearly fainted at the sight of the young dwarf riding on the massive hound.

Before she had time to react, Bodahn raced down the hallway and into the great room where the raucous had been taking place. Desperate to get his son off of the dog, he grabbed the nearest thing to him, a Greatsword nearly as big as himself, and started chasing after the pair. This only excited Dog and Sandal more, encouraging them to go faster.

Bodahn finally chased them towards the stairs, forcing Leandra to throw herself out of the way. She had never expected to have a long life considering always being on the run with her family in years past, but she was determined not to go like this. As she leaped out of the way, she wondered how in the world her son hadn't heard the commotion and come to the rescue.

Dog continued to run, circling around Leandra at a pace that would give even the fastest mabari a run for their...well, whatever dog currency was. Sandal screamed with excitement all the while, and held tight as his furry friend decided to make bounding strides towards Hawke's bedroom door. Leandra and Bodahn raced to follow the dog and Sandal. Dog didn't even notice the humans running behind him because he was too focused on the prize. And luckily he knew something that his master did not; the door does not catch, so breaking in there would be a breeze.

The chestnut door had been no match for the mabari as he burst into Hawke's bedroom. And just as he suspected, those two stupid humans were wrestling on his dog bed again.

"Oh, Maker, YES," screamed the blonde one. "Fuck me, yes! Just like that!" Hawke had Anders pinned on his back, thrusting deep into him.

Leandra and Bodahn flew into the bedroom and stopped short as they witnessed what was before them. Perhaps only Leandra knows if it was the scare from Dog's antics or the acts her son was performing that made her pass out. Bodahn was speechless before he made some attempt to cover his son's eyes.

"Not enchantment!" Sandal screamed giddily.

Finally, a noise loud enough to distract the lovers from one another. Covers were thrown every which way to cover up the sweaty, naked men. Dog jumped on the bed and firmly planted himself down with a bark.

 _Mine!_


End file.
